


Ace of Diamonds

by skeletonsmama



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, F/F, Genderbending, Genderqueer Character, happy ace awareness week!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-30 03:50:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonsmama/pseuds/skeletonsmama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire comes to a realisation after Enjolras tries to take their relationship to the next level.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ace of Diamonds

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Asexual Awareness Week. Asexual I am not, though, and I've tried to be as accurate and respectful in my portrayal as possible. However if I've been inaccurate or offensive in any way shape or form please let me know! Enjoy uwu

It started as a regular evening. Well, regular evening with added Date Night. Enjolras was placing gentle kisses on Grantaire's collarbone, her fingers running through her girlfriend’s short hair.

"I still can't believe you went for the undercut."

Enjolras responds by kissing her firmly, lips capturing the breathy gasp Grantaire let out.

The movie playing on TV is soon forgotten -- something vaguely loud with a great deal of explosions and not much in the way of plot -- in favour of fervently making out. They've been dating for a while now, three months or so, but so far gone no further than kissing and a few fumbled gropes through t-shirts.

Grantaire's not surprised at the gentle hand touching tentatively at her crotch, still covered by jeans. What she is surprised by is her reaction, the vehement " _No!"_ her brain shoots out and before she knows it she's pulling away, sitting up to face Enjolras.

Enjolras, whose face is the very picture of panicked and apologetic. "Oh god Grantaire, I'm so sorry, I should've asked first--"

"It's...it's not you." Which, yeah, it wasn't. "I'm not sure, to be honest. I think I need a bit of time to think. I'm so sorry," Grantaire leaned forward, kissing Enjolras lightly. "Tonight was wonderful, either way. I'll call you later?"

Enjolras nodded, her brows furoughed. Her face was a picture of less than reassured.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Bahorel's pub crawl, remember? Do you still want me to come by at 8?" Grantaire nodded firmly, kissing her girlfriend again as she walked out the door.

As soon as Enjolras's car had pulled away from the apartment block she called Jehan.

"Grantaire, are you okay? I thought tonight was date night."

"It was, but, shit Jehan, Enjolras went to take it a step further and I just freaked out. Which is stupid because she's _gorgeous_ and _perfect_ and the light of my fucking life and I don't know what to think."

"Do you want me to come over?"

Grantaire nearly sobbed with relief. "If it's not too much trouble."

"It never is. I'll be there in 10."

Grantaire slumped down on the couch, waiting anxiously for Jehan's arrival. Xe was always much better at figuring out the mess that was Grantaire's thought process than she was, and if she started panicking then Jehan would calm her down. It was a good system, one that Grantaire could never thank Jehan enough for.

She'd begun pacing by the time there was a knock on the door and Grantaire started babbling as soon as she opened it.

"I mean I want to have sex with Enjolras, I really really do, but that's just in theory and then she didn't even do much, it was just a _hand_ and we were still _dressed_ and it just felt wrong and I didn't want it, I didn't want anything to do with sex right then and I think I've freaked her out. Shit."

Jehan is looking at her with an expectant expression and Grantaire takes a deep breath. Xe holds xir arms open and outward. C _an I hug you?_ Grantaire responds by embracing xem, face pressed close to Jehan's chest. They remain like that for a few moments, rocking gently before Grantaire pulls away.

"Tell me what happened, from the start."

So Grantaire explains everything, much clearer than when xe'd walked in the door. "I think I'm mostly confused because, well, yeah I'm a virgin, but I've had sexual urges before? I fucking masturbate often enough, and nothing is weird then.  But I'm thinking it through, and the very concept of introducing someone else to that, female or otherwise, it makes me shutdown. What's _wrong_ with me?" Jehan takes her hands in xir's, bringing them up to xir mouth and placing a gentle kiss.

"There's nothing wrong with you, lovely. You're just exploring new things that aren't exactly giving you the results you expected. That's okay; that's perfectly okay. Before I go any further I'm going to go into the kitchen and make us each a cup of tea. Sound good?"

Grantaire mumbled her agreement and Jehan pulled away, setting the kettle and rummaging cupboard for where Grantaire kept the rosehip tea.  Grantaire buried her face in her arms, still at a loss. Only when there was a warm cup of tea in front of her and Jehan's smiling face did she feel marginally better.

“Grantaire, have you considered the possibility you may be on the asexuality spectrum? I don’t know exactly what your thoughts and feelings are right now, but I do know is that you’ve come to me in a similar situation to where I found myself in the past. It’s hard, recognising and most importantly understanding, and it’s even harder to do it alone. “

“But…fuck Jehan, before I’ve never? I can’t make sense of it. It’s like everything I thought I knew is different and wrong and what if Enjolras doesn’t want to be with me anymore? What if she…what if she can’t handle a long-term relationship without sex, what do I do then? I can’t Jehan I can’t—“

“Grantaire, take a breath for me.” Grantaire paused her ramble, taking a shaky breath and long sip of tea. “Remember, asexuality is a broad spectrum and sexuality itself is fluid. Today this is how you might feel, but next week your feelings might have developed into something different. Why don’t you just take it slow, for now?”

 “Taking it slow, I can do that. I can definietly do that."

It wasn’t the first time the asexuality thought had crossed her mind. Though the occasions that it did were few and far between. Even when she’d first seen Enjolras it had been less ‘fuck me over a table’ and more ‘what a pretty combination of features’.

Grantaire gave Jehan a tight smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Thanks Jehan for y'know...talking it out and everything." Xe flashed a wide smile, getting up to hug her tightly.

"Do you want me to go, or would you rather cuddle for a while?”

“Cuddle, if you wouldn’t mind. You left your owl pyjama pants here last time, they’re at the foot of my bed somewhere."

Jehan pressed a kiss to the top of her head before dancing to Grantaire's room. Grantaire laughed and followed, feeling much better with the warm weight of Jehan next to her.

***

**[text] R: wuld u mind swingin by mine a lil earlier b4 b's thing today? I need 2 tlk 2 u**

**[text] Enjolras: sure thing. Are you okay???**

**[text] R: im fiiiine dw. Ill explain better when u get here <333 drive safe <3333333**

**[text] Enjolras: I always do. See you in about an hour xx**

***

There was no alcohol on Grantaire's breath when Enjolras kissed her in place of a greeting. At least that was a good sign.

"So...uh…" Enjolras was still standing just inside the doorway, fighting the urge to run her fingers through (what was left of) her hair. A habit she'd picked up from Grantaire before they'd even started dating. It made her queasy to think that even before they were together Grantaire had changed her life so minutely, yet in such a big way at the same time.

"About last night. Uh-- well, I talked it out a bit with Jehan," Enjolras barely manages to suppress an irrational surge of jealousy, "and I've come to a...to a conclusion? No, I have, that isn't a question. And this isn't like, set in stone, and this may well change in time or if our relationship continues on, but I'm identifying as asexual. And y'know sexuality is fluid and I'm still coming to terms with it myself, in all honesty, and  _fuck_ Jehan told me not to say this -- but I'll completely understand if you'd rather end the relationship here, honostly, because I know not everyone is fully prepared to make that kind of commitment and. Yeah."

Grantaire was on the verge of pacing, leg tapping restlessly. She'd managed to hold eye contact the entire time and Enjolras pulled her into a hug, pressing her face into her shoulder.

The words stumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them, tripping over themselves in their rush. "I love you Grantaire, I love you IloveyouIloveyou, I love you and your face and your sexuality and the way you prefer burnt toast and how your hair looks in the morning and finding fucking _pencils_ all over your bed, because it's all part of _you_ and I love you."

Grantaire was clinging back just as tightly but still managed a timid, "does this mean you're not going to leave me?" Enjolras could hear the tears in her voice and pulls back far enough to take her face in her hands, kissing away the one silent tear that had tracked its way down her face. 

She laughs kindly as she replies, "God,  _never._ I don't want to leave you, Grantaire, not now, not ever."

"I'm really glad I didn't bother with mascara." Grantaire mumbles against her cheek and Enjolras laughs, kissing her mouth firmly, before realising what she's doing and pulling back.

"I'm not meaning to assume here, but you're okay with kissing? I mean, three months and you haven't…"

Grantaire chases the thought away with a kiss of her own, tongue sliding along Enjolras's bottom lip in a request for entrance.

"That's a yes, by the way. Jehan showed me some websites this morning. There are plenty of non-sexual ways we can continue being intimate…bathing, hair brushing, spooning…”

Grantaire pecks her lips again.

"We'll work it out." Their foreheads are touching with casual affection and they smile against each other’s lips. 


End file.
